So I think I spoke too soon on the "all was well" front. The past week has actually been pretty tough (hence my sporadic posting here, sorry); sometimes it just hits you like a ton of bricks. I actually feel terrible about being sad though given that what I'm experiencing is nothing in comparison to recent world tragedies; I've been doing everything in my power not to wallow. Which has mostly consisted of....
It's common knowledge amongst all that know me that whenever I'm feeling under the weather I turn to old movies for a pick me up. I've mentioned before my love for all things 80s, but honestly nothing makes me feel better like watching Rob Lowe gyrate in St Elmos Fire, wishing I was Molly Ringwald in Sixteen Candles and trying to decide which Breakfast Club character I'm most like. Note, for the jewellery and sushi eating alone I'm probably a Claire! EEK! It's also come to my attention this week - movie sessions are twice as uplifting if they're accompanied by a McDonalds coke and anything akin to cinema popcorn or Kettle Chips. The calories are almost as effective as the predictable happy ending.
After finding any excuse to indulge in a treat - finishing an exam, resisting a night out, having an early night (all actual reasons I have used in my uni days to justify indulging in a shopping spree) - feeling a bit sad is definitely up there in the legitimate excuses for getting spoilt. Although, my Mum actually treated me to something pretty special this week that I can't wait to post about on here! I also have my eye on this River Island jumper to try and cheer myself up; purely because it screams "OH HAI AUTUMN" despite it currently being August. When you're not feeling quite yourself I think it's easy to crave the warmth and security the Winter months always seem to proffer; log fires, umber trees, conker fights and homemade soup seem pretty ideal right now.
Nothing seems to clear my mind and humble me quite like a long trek through the countryside. Whilst I'm really not the fleece, waterproofs and practical footwear donning type, and usually always end up extremely weather beaten (we're talking eyeliner and hair everywhere, and usually drenched) I love ambling up the mountains, the panorama is always completely worth it. It's the ultimate case of the end justifying the means. There's nothing better than feeling super teeny tiny on a mountain to put your problems into perspective. I always get excited over the prospect of canal-side walks too; usually because they involve feeding the ducks and result in a sly trip to a cosy pub. And let's be honest, Kopparbergs are the real chicken soup for the soul. I don't know whether it's the hearty English wind or the wise old trees that help me gain some perspective, or whether I'm just temporarily distracted by all that's going on but there's something about walks that just really makes them perfect for finding clarity amongst the storm.
Casper's the first one I go to at the moment for cuddles; he's just so fluffy (although whether this will still be the case after his first haircut is questionable) and always around as a distraction (usually tilting his head as if he's taking in everything you're saying). Although at the moment I've actually been snuggling up with our poorly lionhead rabbit Gizmo instead!
Often I find all the answers to my problems are buried within a poem or novel; as an English student my love for literature really knows no bounds and when I have a certain book in my head tracking it down can often mean a torrent of falling hardbacks, a number of bruises and paperbacks flying everywhere. Encouraged by a Carrie Bradshaw moment, (haven't we all had them?) I bought 'Love Letters Of Great Men' which is actually a really sweet, if rather invasive read, and one I always dip in and out of, if a little guiltily. The letters are strangely empowering, all these historic men besotted with love and riddled with admiration. Some other favourites when I'm not feeling so great are 'One Day,' 'The Bronze Horseman' and 'The Pact.' Slightly predictable that I go for the modernist love stories I know.
I controversially still wear the majority of my festival wristbands; whilst there appears to be rather a lot of them, none actually date back more than the last year roughly. I love looking at them and being instantaneously whipped back to some of the best moments of my life, and further than that they've become almost a self conscious habit as I always end up twisting them round my wrist whenever I'm feeling sad or nervous. I guess in some respect they're like an ever constant comfort blanket, although I imagine I'll go in for the big chop soon. A lot of people ask about my wristbands and all my bracelets/trinkets on the other wrist so I'll probably end up doing a separate post on them soon detailing them all and some seasoned memories.
No matter what, iTunes is often my first port of call, music is an integral part of my world and with tens of thousands of songs on my iTunes, and many sub-divisioned playlists I find there's always a song for whatever mood I'm in. This week I've been listening to a lot of Joni Mitchell, Amy Winehouse, Jamie xx and Lykke Li. Which I guess summarises my mood pretty succinctly upon reflection.
There's a lot of romanticism surrounding road trips, particularly in movies, but really there is something about them that is entirely liberating and beautiful, and there really probably is no better place to free your mind than on the road. The potential American road trip, that I've had in my mind for years, is where I make-believe escape to whenever I'm feeling upset with how things are right now. I think I find that having something to look forward to is the best tonic when things aren't going right.
I've mentioned before how much of a Shakespeare geek I am and curling up with one of his many plays under a sea of blankets is a lovely place to withdraw to when things get a bit too much. There's a magic and charisma in Shakespeare's language that is unparalleled in terms of offering escapism. I think it may be because so many of his plays are amalgamated from an array of places and periods; making them easy to just fall into. Plus all those masques and fairies and spirits make the perfect literary getaway. I think my love of books is down to the ability they have to ultimately possess your mind and take it anywhere, at the mercy of the author. It's an astonishing thing to think that essentially they're just sheaths of paper and ink, yet so evocative. I was trying to decide the other day which, if I had to, I'd give up - music or literature - and I couldn't for the life of me decide. I think I'd be a bit of a lost soul without either of them.
There's something about painting my nails that I just find so soothing and calming. From choosing the colour to reflect the mood I'm currently in to purely concentrating on making as neat a job as possible; painting my nails offers a welcome distraction. I think it might be the obsessive organiser in me revealing itself! But I think it's the systematic, almost intuitive, process that helps, perhaps that's why so many people always inject their solace into baking or gardening.
I think what I've learnt most this past week through all these little habits (and a few phone calls, lovely texts and emotional chats) though is just how lucky I am. Particularly, to have some very special people around right now. Still, I'm so glad the week's past and is history now. I'm ready for something new.
